Pass It

When we hold on to something too long, past its time of maturation, a process of expiration will inevitably take place. It’s not impossible to go forward after this. It’s just more difficult, in my experience.

There are windows of Time we are given to learn, grow, expand and live in a certain Mode of Being.

When you’re only seven months old, you need two to three naps a day to make it through (or four if you’re my son…). When you’re 13, this shouldn’t be the case. This is a very generalized example, I understand, but I think it will give us the framework we need for thinking about this topic of spiritual maturity and growth.

Growth is not linear. Growth is not synonymous or perfectly synchronized with progression of time. Again, when you have a small child you see this often. The doctor weighs and measures your kid every few months to see how they’re “tracking” compared to other kids their age. This is helpful to catch anything way off. But as long as the kid is in a range, it’s all good for the most part. This isn’t about systematizing growth, actually it’s intended to go much further beyond that. It’s about recognizing where you’ve been, where you’re at, and where you’re going are all interconnected yet so different. I’m not the same person I was one hour ago. I was with different people, I was at the store, I was at the gym. I was engaging the world on a different level then vs. now at home writing. So change happens not just in these big shifts but in small ways too.

Some traditions are for a time. Certain ways we do things. Certain places we go. Certain traditions I think are training wheel, preparatory traditions that must be shed prior to looking within, then finding the ability to integrate many traditions to discover the Perennial Truth of All. That sounds woo-woo but it’s what my experience has been. And I’m lucky — I never really went through an disgruntled and angry phase of relationship to Christian belief and practice. I know many that were burned so badly, treated so unfairly, that they had to burn down the construction of what that tradition stood for in their heart/mind so they could move forward clearer, healthier, and lighter. I don’t think that’s necessarily always the way forward, but for some it’s been the best option. I’m more so interested in what happens after all that, though.

This process of what to accept and what to leave behind. What to carry and for how long. I’ve witnessed countless friends and peers disappear into abyss of evangelical compliance for the sake of security and doubt in their own ability to explore another road without being wiped out. Likewise I’ve seen, and participated in, groups be so identified by what they aren’t anymore. They end up worshipping the opposite end of the same golden cow they stopped worshipping two months ago. There is no certainty. There is only impermanence and change. This can be terrifying; it often is. This can be liberating; it often is. In “Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind”, Suzuki says, “When something dies is the greatest teaching.” Forget what you believe in your mind. If you’re still reading something like this, you have all you need. You’re already conscious to the Big Picture. You’ve experienced enough to be able to trust those experiences. To trust your Self. Right now, within.

For a long while I put a lot of energy into putting the categories and contents in the correct order. The real trip happens when you witness yourself changing and are kind toward your self that is growing. When you can cease to judge and rationalize these ways you’re looking to either confirm your intuition or go against the grain of the voices surrounding you, you’ll enter into a space that is so free you’ll wonder what you’ve been doing this whole time. When you realize the only permission you need is the grace and peace of your Self, you’ll begin to experience what has been true the whole time. It was and is right under our noses. By forgetting and including and beginning again, you’ll see it all as grace, and it will inevitably lead you to the place of : right here, right now.